I am not perfect. No Catholic should ever claim perfection. Here is a little background on myself. I am 30 years old and throughout my 20’s, I thought I had to give my body to others to be worth something. I am not blaming society; I am not blaming the fact that a single mother raised me, this is a misconception that I with low self-esteem and no direction come to this conclusion. I sat with my friend Lucy on a Tuesday night outside of Hanneman University Hospital coming from a talk on Christian Prayer at the Cathedral Basilica of Sts. Peter and Paul. I came to two conclusions that night: It’s difficult for young female Catholics today; Not a lot of men are gentlemen. Then I told her, “Maybe I should delete my OkCupid account.”
It’s Difficult For Female Catholics Today; Not A lot of Men Are Gentlemen
I did reel you in with the click bait of having an OkCupid account. I always had low self-esteem. As somebody with high standards, who was too good to be in a relationship and I wanted to prove people wrong. In reality, people were right I was too good for them, but they were afraid to say it. I recently was compared to a man because I take up too much space in their bed. I pretty much said, “If you feel that way then we shouldn’t see each other.” Then some clarity came in. The types of people who were messaging me. The ways they were approaching me online and on the street where down right disrespectful. Compared to at church and at the Newman Center where they are more comfortable about their spirituality and interests. There is this young man who became my closest friend named Andrew. He made me realize that he is a type of gentleman who I deserve to have in my life. Also, that the term gentleman is not outdated, and chivalry is not dead. Even going to confession and I kept confessing that I was having premarital sex, my favorite priest would make it clear that these men who I was having sex with were not doing it for love. I am the most stubborn person I know, and I needed to make a swift change.
Let’s Delete The Dating Website!
I had the OkCupid dating site because I wanted to find a good guy. However, what I learned from my Christian Prayer session and also from the mass on the 24th (the day my church St Agatha St James celebrated the Feast of St James) in the gospel about prayer:
“And I tell you, ask and you will receive; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you/ For everyone who asks receives; and the one who seeks finds; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you would hand his son a snake when he asks his father for a fish? Or hand him a scorpion when he asks for an egg? If you then who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to children, how much more will the Father in heaven give the holy Spirit to those who ask him?
(Luke 11: 9-13 NAB)
I am not saying I should pray for somebody to come my way. I am saying that I should leave this to God’s hands. In that, I am taking a hiatus from actively dating. That night, I deleted my OKCupid account. Hopefully, as I enter my 30’s, I will find somebody who is a gentleman and not disrespectful to me.