The lump was an abscess. I have to start that off from the jump so I won’t leave you all in suspense. I was put on antibiotics to have it go down and it’s right where I need to be. I can go back to worrying about other things. Like how I missed mass. Yeah. I haven’t been a good Catholic lately. Call me a heathen but getting into the nature of HOW a catholic should act is stressing me out. But I can say that in comparison to a good catholic, I fail in comparison. I think I should come out and say it.
The Urge to be Loved
I’ve fallen victim to feeling that people love each other with their bodies, which I know it makes me feel bad. I am not going to blame my sexual abuse for it because that is a cop out. If it makes me feel bad, why do I do it? I admit, my self-control over it isn’t where I want it to be. I crave to be loved, but I need to be loved the right way. I deserve to be loved the way a gentleman loves a lady. I am not even going to blame this generations lack of respect for people. People who love people the way they deserve to be loved are out there, I just have to comb through it.
I have been looking for a saint who associates with my personal struggle but cannot find one. Instead I recommend The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden, I am a good portion through the book and I love it. I will give a review soon. I also got a call from my mom today pretty much going through a struggle financially. This is as I was writing this blog. I think God helps you find a way out of things that are uncomfortable. So, I am going to be a millennial living with her mom to help her out financially until we both get back on our feet as of September. I may not be as available because of the move, my mom and I have to work out details like where am I going to sleep and what about my cat. But I think this is the best decision for me.